It's been awhile

So.......

I know I haven't posted on here in forever.

I am finally having my breast reconstruction sugery on Thursday. I had my pre-op appointment yesterday, didn't have to do much, just sign some consent forms and get a before picture taken..eek. I think that is the only bad thing about plastic surgery, seriously, why do they need to take a picture? Anyway, I am having an expander placed behind my muscle on my right side and it will be filled up once a month for about six months. My surgeon pretty much talked me out of having the surgery I was going to have, simply because I didn't really think about a few things that will be hindered by that kind of surgery. A TRAM-Flap surgery takes one side of the front ab muscles along with stomach skin, and is pushed up under the muscles and skin to the area of reconstruction. This is a MAJOR surgery that is not guaranteed to work. If the flap fails I would be without half of my abdominal muscles. Also, since I would like to have a child sometime in the future, this surgery would take the skin that is needed to stretch and support a baby, not to mention the missing ab muscle. Usually this type of surgery is ideal for a woman that is finished with having kids and has had a bilateral(double) mastectomy. The TRAM-Flap surgery can only be done once because there is only one vein for both front abdominal muscles. Therfore, if I ever had to have reconstruction for the other side I couldn't have that kind of surgery.
So, the plus side is that if the expander fails, I can heal and put another in or just not have one at all and the skin will go back to the way it was before surgery.

So, that is pretty much it for now. I know, not much, planning for Ed and my wedding in September, very hard from so far away.

The great chilli experiment

So I've never made chilli before. Ed was given some deer meat from one of his coworkers so I decided I would try to make deer chilli. I was pleasantly surprised when it turned out AWESOME!! It's silly I know, but I am proud of myself, I even got compliments from Dustin and Judy (one of Ed's co workers and his wife). So YAY, it didn't even taste like deer, so that was the only strange thing.

My hair is finally growing out to a managable length, it pretty much looks like the picture I have posted, but a little shorter. I recieved my genetic testing packet and I don't think that I'll be getting it done. Just to have the consulation is $229 and I just don't have that kind of cash lying around. My doctor says that it is very important to get it done, I understand that but, I already think that I have it because of my strong family history of breast cancer. A new article was released today on AOL.com saying that even if you test negative for the BRCA gene mutations you still have a huge risk of getting breast cancer or ovarian cancer. So, I would rather be tested after I have children so I can do the whole preventative surgery and get everything removed. At least then I will have health insurance although it may not cover preventative surgeries, and no way would I tell them if I do have the gene mutation. I they can't legally discriminate coverage, but I could totally see them finding some other reason to not cover me. Don't worry I won't go off on a rant about american health insurance.

I look a bit funny now that I have a lymph adema glove and sleeve. The glove makes it hard to move my fingers, they aren't tingly or anything so my circulation isn't being cut off, it's just tight.
Everything turned out okay with my bone scan and chest xray, so that's a relief. I was just really low on my Vitamin D and calcium counts. My doctor said that is probably why I've been experiencing bone pain.

Ed and I finally set a date for our wedding, it's going to be September 26, 2009. It's going to be hard to try to plan anything from so far away, but I'm sure I can handle it. I already have the hall booked and pretty sure my photog friend will be able to take pictures, just don't know how much he will cost yet. I'm going to wait to get a dress until after I have reconstructive surgery, or I could just not have surgery and buy a $250 boob and find a way to hide it. But that probably won't be possible, we'll see. Whoa long post, I'll cut it off there, oh wait, we are going back to Iowa December 19-27 so I'll be able to see some people hopefully. Done, I think...

Annoying rib and shoulder blad pain and what that means to me..

So I went to see my doctor yesterday. I informed him that I can hardly lie on my right side because of severe pain in my ribs that I have been experiencing (or getting worse) for about a month. He gave me an "OH really?" So now I have to get a bone scan and chest x ray on Monday. I hope that it is nothing, but every little pain scares the crap out of me. I'm telling you, reading the cancer books puts fear in me. Pain can mean bone mestasis, my doctor said that I could have bone necropsy from the radiation, I hope it's that. I don't know exactly what bone necropsy is, but it is better than bone mestasis. At this point I don't care how much they scan me, it is waaay better to be safe than sorry.
The leaves are really beautiful here still, they will probably be gone by next week. I laugh at everyone here in their parkas and scarves, it's still in the 50's! Ed and I are going back to Iowa for about a week in early December from the 6th-13th. Hopefully we will be able to make the rounds to see everyone, if not, I'll apologize now. Hope everyone is well!
Missy

My racing mind...

So my sister sent me and email telling me that I should keep updating my blog. The only reason I was really doing it was so that people who don't see me on a regular basis could keep up on my health. It turns out that people read it because they liked it too..so here I go.

Not too much has happened in the months since I wrote last. I had my second recheck and a freakout because the MRI found something 'strange' around my surgery site. After an ultrasound and biopsy, everything turned out okay. Then I just freaked out because of the bills, I still don't have a job ( Iknow I'm a loser). Luckily through the hospital where I go for my rechecks they have medicall assistance and everything was taken care of. So I don't have to worry about medical bills for six months.
Ed and I were looking at his some pictures from his sister's wedding last night. Everything looked so beautiful. I got a big case of 'if only I hadn't gotten cancer'. I got depressed because, if I hadn't gotten cancer, I would be like a normal bride freaking out about her wedding this weekend. I feel really selfish for changing dates. If Ed had his way we would go to the courthouse today and get married. I would do that, but I'm selfish and want to wait until I have reconstruction surgery. Ed has been so supportive through all of this, I want everything to be perfect for the both of us. So anyway, I have no idea when we will have the wedding. I was thinking spring next year, but I don't know how healed I will be since I can't have surgery until late February. One thing I do know for sure, we will get married here in NC and then have another ceremony and party in IA. The wedding here will be small, if people can come great, if not, I won't be surprised or hurt because of the "redo" in IA. So there it is, nothing else new to report, except Ed bought me a new car that I love love love!!!!
Missy

Oh the sadness in waiting....

I had my first appointment today at the Hall Radiation center at Mercy. Dr. Merfeld is really nice, I will start radiation on Jan. 7 and end on Feb. 20. I have to go everyday, but it only takes about 15 minutes. While she was talking about the side effects, she mentioned that I have to wait a year after radiaion before I should get reconstruction. That crushed me. I'm getting married in less than a year and will either be forced to wear a dress that goes up to my neck or push the wedding even further back. Either way I guess the wedding will have to be pushed back because I need to stay on Title 19 because everything is covered. I'm not sure if Ed's insurance would cover recon. because it would be considered a pre-existing condition. Of course I didn't let it show if front of the doctor that it bothered me. She jokingly said 'no one will know if you're wearing a prosthesis or not, unless it falls out'. I was thinking how many wedding dresses have you seen that don't show cleavage? But anyway I understand that I am doing radiation to prevent the cancer from coming back, but I'm a stupid girl that has waited almost two years for her wedding, now I will have to wait another year and a half at least. The only plus side to all of this is the fact that I get to go to NC sooner.
I'm going to go off now..Here is a major reason why our country needs to change. I am one of the 43 million people that doesn't have heath insurance. Honestly, it's better to be poor and qualify for Title 19 when something major happens because at least then you know you'll have everything covered. How sad is it that major insurance carriers do not completely cover patients when they have something major happen to them? How sad is it that I know that I won't be covered for reconstruction, or possibly my after cancer medications, when I marry Ed because I have a pre-existing condition? Oh, I'm sorry I got breast cancer and didn't want to die. I'm sorry that the surgeon had to cut off my boob and that I want a new one so I can look good on my f***ing wedding day.
I am all for universal heathcare, I know that some employers are retarded have stupid rules regarding insurance, or they don't even offer it because they can't "afford" it. How is it that people are paying so much into thier insurance, and they think they are fully covered, yet when something major happens, they get stuck with the bill? When did this country forget how to save lives? I am one of the middle class that was one bad diagnosis away from losing everything and I did. I have to live with my parents, not only because Ed is gone, but because I can't afford to live on my own. Screw you if the only reason you don't want universal heathcare is because you don't want to pay higher taxes. I'm glad your employer pays 100% of your heath insurance, mind if I get added on? I know I shouldn't be complaining, I have Title 19, what about the people with kids that get ear infections every three months? They don't qualify for Title 19, and they need insurance too. Sorry for going off on this, but it really bugs me. I have to go massage my lymph adema swollen arm now, you get that after your lymph nodes are removed, you know when you have a mastectomy, to get rid of the breast cancer, the surgery that you can't afford....

last round of chemo..end of part one (or two)

Well, After 6 rounds of chemo I am finally finished! yay!. Downside? In three weeks I start 6 weeks of radiation, which consists of daily treatments (except on weekends). The chemotherapy put me into a pre-menopause state so i won't have my period for two years, that is a good thing exept that I could still get pregnant. My doctor is recommending that I do not get pregnant for the first 2 years and I will be on a drug that causes birth defects. I am okay with that since I wasn't planning on having kids till I was 30 anyway. There is a chance that I will not be able to have kids from the combined side effects of radiation and chemotherapy. My doctor thinks that because of my age I should be able to bounce right back, he jsut has to lay everything out there. In a couple of weeks I will get genetic testing done to see if I have the cancer gene. If I have it I may have to get my ovaries removed. Most women who die within the first five years of surviving breast cancer end up dyeing(spelling) from ovarian cancer. As of right now it doesn't look like I have ovarian cancer and my Doctor is pretty confident that I do not have the gene. If I don't have the gene my sister's won't have to be tested either, so I think that is good news for them as well. I really can't be 100% confident that I don't have the gene as the other doctor's were 99.99% sure I didn't have cancer, that is another reason I wanted to get tested. Also it turns out that Iowa sucks for plastic surgeons. I have to have reconstruction, but because I have to get radiation my skin loses it's elasticity and cannot put up with a "normal" breast implant. I have to get what is called a "Tram Flap", too hard to explain here. Apparrantly no one in Iowa does this procedure. On the plus side, Duke University does and it is only 50 miles from Ed and I can fly out there and he can take me. I have a consultation with a Plastic surgeon in Iowa to get his professional opinion, talk about cost since I have title 19 and not actual insurance. Anyway, thank you to all you tax payers out there for taking care of my Medicade(spelling). I would probably not be around if it weren't for you!!Missy

Ed's Back!

I had my second to last treatment last week, only one more to go! It was pretty rough this time. Ed is back this week for Thanksgiving and to get ready for his move to Greensboro. It's frustrating that I don't get to go with him, but I don't have too much longer to wait. On Tuesday the 20th there is an article running in the Cedar Rapids Gazette about young Iowans with cancer, there will be a little about me in there and probably a picture. Not too much is going on other than that, have a good Thanksgiving!