Oh the sadness in waiting....

I had my first appointment today at the Hall Radiation center at Mercy. Dr. Merfeld is really nice, I will start radiation on Jan. 7 and end on Feb. 20. I have to go everyday, but it only takes about 15 minutes. While she was talking about the side effects, she mentioned that I have to wait a year after radiaion before I should get reconstruction. That crushed me. I'm getting married in less than a year and will either be forced to wear a dress that goes up to my neck or push the wedding even further back. Either way I guess the wedding will have to be pushed back because I need to stay on Title 19 because everything is covered. I'm not sure if Ed's insurance would cover recon. because it would be considered a pre-existing condition. Of course I didn't let it show if front of the doctor that it bothered me. She jokingly said 'no one will know if you're wearing a prosthesis or not, unless it falls out'. I was thinking how many wedding dresses have you seen that don't show cleavage? But anyway I understand that I am doing radiation to prevent the cancer from coming back, but I'm a stupid girl that has waited almost two years for her wedding, now I will have to wait another year and a half at least. The only plus side to all of this is the fact that I get to go to NC sooner.
I'm going to go off now..Here is a major reason why our country needs to change. I am one of the 43 million people that doesn't have heath insurance. Honestly, it's better to be poor and qualify for Title 19 when something major happens because at least then you know you'll have everything covered. How sad is it that major insurance carriers do not completely cover patients when they have something major happen to them? How sad is it that I know that I won't be covered for reconstruction, or possibly my after cancer medications, when I marry Ed because I have a pre-existing condition? Oh, I'm sorry I got breast cancer and didn't want to die. I'm sorry that the surgeon had to cut off my boob and that I want a new one so I can look good on my f***ing wedding day.
I am all for universal heathcare, I know that some employers are retarded have stupid rules regarding insurance, or they don't even offer it because they can't "afford" it. How is it that people are paying so much into thier insurance, and they think they are fully covered, yet when something major happens, they get stuck with the bill? When did this country forget how to save lives? I am one of the middle class that was one bad diagnosis away from losing everything and I did. I have to live with my parents, not only because Ed is gone, but because I can't afford to live on my own. Screw you if the only reason you don't want universal heathcare is because you don't want to pay higher taxes. I'm glad your employer pays 100% of your heath insurance, mind if I get added on? I know I shouldn't be complaining, I have Title 19, what about the people with kids that get ear infections every three months? They don't qualify for Title 19, and they need insurance too. Sorry for going off on this, but it really bugs me. I have to go massage my lymph adema swollen arm now, you get that after your lymph nodes are removed, you know when you have a mastectomy, to get rid of the breast cancer, the surgery that you can't afford....

last round of chemo..end of part one (or two)

Well, After 6 rounds of chemo I am finally finished! yay!. Downside? In three weeks I start 6 weeks of radiation, which consists of daily treatments (except on weekends). The chemotherapy put me into a pre-menopause state so i won't have my period for two years, that is a good thing exept that I could still get pregnant. My doctor is recommending that I do not get pregnant for the first 2 years and I will be on a drug that causes birth defects. I am okay with that since I wasn't planning on having kids till I was 30 anyway. There is a chance that I will not be able to have kids from the combined side effects of radiation and chemotherapy. My doctor thinks that because of my age I should be able to bounce right back, he jsut has to lay everything out there. In a couple of weeks I will get genetic testing done to see if I have the cancer gene. If I have it I may have to get my ovaries removed. Most women who die within the first five years of surviving breast cancer end up dyeing(spelling) from ovarian cancer. As of right now it doesn't look like I have ovarian cancer and my Doctor is pretty confident that I do not have the gene. If I don't have the gene my sister's won't have to be tested either, so I think that is good news for them as well. I really can't be 100% confident that I don't have the gene as the other doctor's were 99.99% sure I didn't have cancer, that is another reason I wanted to get tested. Also it turns out that Iowa sucks for plastic surgeons. I have to have reconstruction, but because I have to get radiation my skin loses it's elasticity and cannot put up with a "normal" breast implant. I have to get what is called a "Tram Flap", too hard to explain here. Apparrantly no one in Iowa does this procedure. On the plus side, Duke University does and it is only 50 miles from Ed and I can fly out there and he can take me. I have a consultation with a Plastic surgeon in Iowa to get his professional opinion, talk about cost since I have title 19 and not actual insurance. Anyway, thank you to all you tax payers out there for taking care of my Medicade(spelling). I would probably not be around if it weren't for you!!Missy